By Lucia Lloyd, St. Stephen's Episcopal Church, Heathsville, VA
More than enough
John 6:10-13
(NIV)
Jesus said, "Have the people sit down."
There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them.
Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks,
and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.
When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples,
"Gather the
pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted."
2 Samuel 11:1-15, John 6:1-21
The two preschoolers have been clamoring for me to play a game of Candyland with them, so we eagerly get out the board and start setting up. As I get out the cards, I hear the first squeal: “Hey, I get the green piece! That’s mine!” “No, it’s mine: I got it first!” “I called it first. You can’t grab it!” “You always get it; you’re mean!” “I’m not mean! You’re mean!” “Give it to me!” “No!” “It’s mine!” “Oww! You hurt me!” “Mom, make her give it back!” My attempts to explain to these beloved children that it is much more fun to actually play a game together than it is to argue about who gets which piece are, well, not very successful. I am remember once again that the most desirable toy in the world is the toy in another child’s hand. I wonder sometimes whether God looks at the world and sees the way human beings, as nations and as individuals, argue and fight over who gets what, and wishes that instead we could just enjoy playing together and having fun.
Our Old Testament reading for today seems to be a story about sex, and in one sense it is. On one level, it is a story about something as natural and ordinary as a man’s attraction when he sees a beautiful woman naked. But David is a polygamous king who can have sex with plenty of beautiful women he has brought into his palace as wives. What is it that makes him want Bathsheeba more than any of the other beautiful woman? Is it that she, bathing on her rooftop, is so much more beautiful than anyone else? Possibly. But it seems more likely that what makes her desirable to him is that she belongs to someone else.
Women can be just as idiotic in this kind of situation as men. Two women can compete ferociously with each other for the attention of a man, obsessed with winning him as a prize. But it is painfully clear to everyone who watches this spectacle that the man is not a wonderful prize; he is what used to be referred to by the term “a no-good, low-down, two-timing, lying, cheating rat.” The term that is currently in use for this kind of man, at least when he appears on the Jerry Springer show, is “Beep. Beep. Beeeep.”
I expect the real issue here isn’t what Bathsheeba looks like, and the real issue here isn’t even sexuality. The prophet Nathan gets it right when he zeroes in on the real problem, which is David’s mistaken belief that he does not have enough; David’s mistaken belief that he has to take more, and that if he can just get more, then this time it will finally make him happy. So David takes Bathsheeba, and just ends up making himself more miserable than ever.
This story stands in sharp contrast to the account of the feeding of the multitude in today’s gospel reading. There are five thousand men, plus women and children, all of them hungry. Six months’ wages would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little, and the disciples have nowhere near that kind of money lying around. There is one boy who has his lunch, five barley loaves and two fish. It would be very understandable if a boy who had brought his lunch and found himself in the middle of a hungry crowd, decided that the best thing to do would be to eat his lunch fast before somebody swiped it. In the middle of scarcity, it is the most natural thing in the world to guard what you have. But this boy does not do that. Instead, he gives his lunch to Jesus. And from the boy’s giving away what he has, even though it seems inadequate, Jesus is able to provide food not only for the boy, but for everyone. They all have enough. They are full. They are satisfied.
David, mistakenly believes he doesn’t have enough, so he focuses on what he doesn’t have, takes, and it leads to misery. The boy believes he has enough, focuses on what he does have, gives, and it leads to miracles.
It is the people who mistakenly believe they do not get enough love, who are manipulative or clingy, jealous or accusing, distant or judgmental. And of course they end up driving away the very thing they crave. It is the people who feel that the love in their lives is enough who can extend themselves in kindness and compassion and generosity toward others. And when they give their love, they end up with even more.
And this difference exists within each one of us. We can choose to focus on what we don’t have, mistakenly believing there is not enough for us, or we can choose to focus on what we do have, and open our eyes to the enormous possibilities God has given us in our lives. The two preschoolers who are capable of bitter fights over who gets the green piece in Candyland are also capable of enjoying playing with their toys together to the point where they are overcome with giggles and squeals of glee. When they shift their focus away from what they don’t have and onto what they do have, they see enormous potential in every object. Not just the nice toys, but even the potential for fun in a Kleenex, which can become a blanket for a little teddy bear, or can be used as a bridal veil for a doll, or a cape for a superhero, or can be cut into tiny bits and used as a shower of snow. The kids see the enormous potential in the cardboard roll that paper towels come on, or an acorn, or a scrap of string. And they bring these treasures to each other, exclaiming, “Look, look what I found! This will be great for our dolls! And they build on each others’ ideas with the wonder of shared creativity. And there is so much potential in their play that when they have to go to bed they can hardly bear to leave all the magnificent abundance that surrounds them, which seems to be almost sparkling with possibilities for their fun. It is not just the objects in the room that have been transformed; the children themselves have been transformed.
The boy in our gospel passage takes some things God has created--fish and barley—and gives them to Jesus. Jesus takes these things, gives thanks for them, and distributes them to others. And there is an abundant plenty. Jesus does not explain exactly how this miracle operates, how five loaves and two fish become more than enough for thousands of people. He simply does it.
I do not understand miracles, but I believe in them. And so it seems like the logical thing to shift my own focus away from focusing on what I do not have, on my own mistaken beliefs that there is not enough, and to focus instead on the amazing amount that God has given me: the splendor of creation, the warmth of loving relationships, the ability to learn and to do, and most important of all, the capacity to give.
This congregation is a loaves and fishes congregation if I’ve ever seen one. The parishioner who says, “I can’t do a lot, but I can deliver some water to someone who needs it” and who tells me that what she gets out of giving that water is far more than what she puts into it. The parishioner who realizes that none of her children will be able to be with her on Mother’s Day, and instead of focusing on what she does not have, tells me that she wants to give a flower to every mother in the congregation on Mother’s Day, and even the women who don’t happen to be mothers, and even the little girls. In the rest of the world we hear all about the recession, the scarcity in the economy, and in the middle of that our treasurer quietly reports to the vestry that giving is up; it took a few minutes for that to register in my head: giving is up. The people of St. Stephens are giving with generous hearts to their church and to its ministries. And the way St. Stephen’s parishioners bring good food: it is a beautiful act of hospitality. This congregation can adapt to changing circumstances with a flexibility and a creativity that never cease to amaze me, and it comes from an attention to seeing the blessings we do have, and focusing on the potential for good that is in them. God’s gifts to us are abundant and generous, and we can give to others and to God from that generous abundance, and watch as God performs miracles.
07/26/09
Note: If you are still confused about how a gay Christian can feel they are 'right' with God I encourage you to read the section of the web site entitled "Gay and Christian? YES!"